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Missing My Babies

Yesterday these two photos came up in my One Drive memories from a year ago.




It's hard to believe since it's only been eight months since Jasper passed away and only six since Trooper left us.


In some ways, it feels so much longer, and in others, it seems so recent.


I tell you, if I didn't have Blondie, Chaplin, Grizzabella, and Franki to occupy my heart, I think my grief would be a lot worse.


Trooper was my baby. She was my girl. She often felt like my favorite, if one can dare to say such a thing about his "children." We had had her for such a long time, and she was our miracle cat in so many ways.


But she was also old and in declining health, and although it was devastating to lose her, I also feel like she is in a better place.


But we sure miss her. She could be a little butthead at times, always wanting to be in the middle of everything (case in point: my cereal, in the above picture). She wanted to be fed at inconvenient hours and kept us up when we needed sleep.


But she was such a sweetheart, one of the friendliest and most loving cats you could ever know. I miss her cuddles and petting her. I miss rubbing her stomach, which she adored. I miss her lying next to me.


It helps that Grizzabella is practically attached to me at the hip. I can't feel too lonely with her around. She and Franki both love sleeping next to me, and both love to have their bellies rubbed, and while no cat could ever replace someone like Trooper, they honestly help my heart not feel so empty.


And having Blondie, Trooper's literal offspring around and having developed a closer relationship with her since Trooper's passing, makes me feel closer to Trooper. And she's taken up some of Trooper's most annoying traits, like trying to eat our food while we're eating, which makes us feel like Trooper is still around.


Jasper's loss has been especially hard for Isaias. Like Trooper, he was in such poor health that part of me feels he's better off free of the shackles of mortality.


But we miss him soooooo much and we feel we just didn't have enough time with that sweet, sweet boy who was so loving and grateful to spend his last months with us and the girls.


I think the reason it has been especially hard for Isaias to lose him was that he came into our lives at a time when Isaias was especially lost and sad following the deaths of both his mom and a very close friend.


Jasper gave him purpose and hope again, and then to lose him and be unable to save him from sickness and death just as we were unable to save his mom was particularly heartbreaking.


And Jasper loved Isaias so much. So his loss has been really hard.


We miss his high-pitched cry and his sleepy, weary body curled on us. We miss how incredibly happy he always was to see us and how much he wanted to be with us and the girls, even if they didn't necessarily feel the same way.


I was telling Isaias that in some ways Franki feels like the anti-Jasper. Franki is so healthy, youthful, energetic, and plump, none of the things Jasper was. But what they do have in common is how loving they are and how much we love them.


It is nice to have another boy in the house. He helps me, at least forget my pain.



They all do.


But the pain is still there, and we miss our babies so much.

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