Last night I was sitting in Blondie's favorite chair with her petting her. She was so happy.
I was listening to some classical music and just sitting in the dark room enjoying her company while Franki and Grizzabella sat nearby.
As I sat, listening to the music and enjoying the company of our cats, I couldn't help but think of Trooper and Jasper as well. Trooper, especially, was on my mind. I really miss her. Well, I miss them both a lot. But because Blondie is Trooper's flesh and blood, Bondie makes me feel a closeness to Trooper that is hard to define.
Trooper and Blondie had very different personalities and sometimes even fought. But I also know Blondie loved her mom a lot and definitely misses her. When Trooper died, there was a noticeable difference in Blondie's behavior, and in a way, it seems she has become both more needy and assertive.
Blondie is no spring chicken, either, although sometimes her kitten-like ways make me forget that, but I also recognize that when she goes, that kind of connection I feel to Trooper through her will be gone.
Chaplin is also biologically related to Trooper, but the connection doesn't feel the same to me. Maybe I'll feel differently if Blondie goes before Chappy.
Anyway, I sat on the chair last night and got teary-eyed (feeling similarly right now, too) because I miss Trooper a lot. She really is better off where she is. I think as humans, it's a natural instinct to want to hang on to our loved ones even if their bodies are no longer in the shape they need to be in to give them a good quality of life.
I don't know why we as human beings are sometimes so afraid of death and letting go. We have a tendency to prolong life when maybe it is not in the best interest of the one we want to keep around. Often we seem to be "saving" and preserving our loved ones more for our benefit than for theirs.
It was Trooper's time. It was Jasper's time. We may have not wanted it to be so, but it was time to let both of them go.
But we sure do miss them. A lot.
I'm so glad we have our other three girls and our spunky little boy. They are a handful at times. It would be so much easier if everyone got along. It's hard to juggle our attention to make sure they all know how much we love and care for them.
Last night is a good example of what I am talking about. Both Isaias and I come home from work tired. Isaias was especially tired, I feel, so I let him relax with Blondie while I took care of the other three cats.
I locked Grizzy and Franki in our room while I brought Chappy out to exercise and have free reign of the house without feeling the need to be terrified or aggressive because of the presence of the other cats.
Chappy, as always was happy to get out but also seemed subdued. Maybe those chews really are relaxing her. Occasionally she would cry because she likely smelled Franki and it bothered her. But mostly, she was relaxed. She didn't even explore that much. Just sort of relaxed on the floor.
She stayed out a bit. Meanwhile, I can hear both Grizzy and Franki crying from our bedroom because they, of course, want to be out and about, too.
Eventually, Isaias got up to go to bed, and that spurred Chappy to head back to her room, so I went in with her while Isaias freed the other two from our bedroom.
I fed Chappy and spent a bit more time with her, then said goodnight and fed Franki his dinner while Grizzy waited patiently for hers. When he was finished, Grizzy followed me downstairs to get her nightly treat of paté.
After I fed her, that's when I sat with Blondie while Grizzy, and now Franki, waited for me.
After I spent time with Blondie, I went upstairs, where Grizzy, and eventually, Franki, followed. Settling in for bed, Grizzy snuggled up against me, as she routinely does. Franki eventually does as well.
Usually when I fall asleep, Grizzy is by my side, and when I wake up in the morning, she usually has moved down to my feet, and Franki is cuddled next to me. I remember waking up early this morning, and that was the case.
But when I actually woke up to get up, they were both at my feet.
It's hard juggling our attention to satisfy the physical and emotional needs of all our babies—plus Isaias still has some outdoor cats he tends to—but they do bring us such joy.
How I adore my kids!